Doug Gordon, author of The Engaged Groom: You're Getting Married. Read This Book, muses with SonomaWeddingSource writer Martha Blanchfield
Dear Groom,
I know our wedding is on your mind day and night. You love talking about color themes, picking out china, and putting together that list of guests to invite to our big day. You have been such a help to me when deciding which cake filling is best, and above all, I loves it when you find a wonderful new idea for table décor in the latest Brides magazine and share it with me.
How thoughtful you are when offering that extra set of hands and your kind yet critical opinions. I can't thank you enough!
Love,
Your Bride
Ok, so maybe your sweetie needs a bit of coddling and nurturing to get his inner wedding planner in gear. Buried beneath that burly exterior is a tender man just begging for someone to ask him to join you in cutting net squares for the Jordan almonds. His tremendous desire just needs that nod from you; and maybe a bit of direction. Mr. Nuptials Handy Hal with all the desire in the world wants to help, but he's probably not got a clue where to start.
Help him reach his wedding planner nirvana with a copy of The Engaged Groom: You're Getting Married. Read This Book . Author and recent newlywed Doug Gordon draws upon all that he personally experienced in helping his bride plan their recent wedding. The Engaged Groom is an on-target read for your man once he's booked the honeymoon.
You're Getting This Book
Gordon has arranged his writing to provide a thorough overview of what's involved in planning a wedding. The book is not intended to replace a professional wedding planner by any means, but it may help him understand why you burst into tears over the slightest variances in pink, or why his idea for an iPod wedding is just not going to cut it.
“When I got engaged I had a few basic questions, such as where and when to get a wedding license. I found myself looking online and in a local bookstore and couldn't believe the resources for grooms,” he adds. “There was hardly a book without words like idiot or clueless in the title. I didn't think I was an idiot for not knowing how to get a wedding license. Other books cautioned against losing one's sanity or staying out of a bride's way. I couldn't relate, so I started blogging about wedding planning from a guy's perspective.” Gordon's blog audience grew rapidly and many male readers emailed with opinions and stories. The Engaged Groom came as a result of this blog.
“Most people appreciated how straightforward it is; I provide simple answers to simple questions using humor, but not sarcasm or derision. My feeling is that the whole process should be fun. My goal is to help the engaged groom find areas where he can be involved, recognizing his talents, strengths and weaknesses… I'm also hoping that some of the book will help give voice to questions and concerns than many grooms share,” says Gordon, who claims the cavalier groom can read the book cover to cover (bringing him closer to sainthood), or he can leaf through and reference specific topics when (and if) the situation arises.
Straight Advice From A Groom
We had a chat with Gordon and posed a few of our own pointed wedding planning questions.
NWS: What's the most challenging thing you faced when planning your wedding?
DG: The sheer scope of the project. You don't realize everything you have to do until you start. Even small weddings seem to involve many more details than most other types of parties or events. We lucked out because our families were very generous and easy-going. This mitigated any feelings that we might become overwhelmed by everything we had to do. We had one particular challenge -- while we live in New York City we got married in Wisconsin at a summer camp where my wife grew up. Long-distance planning isn't easy.
NWS: What was the biggest surprise?
DG: The amount of opinions we received from people outside our immediate family. There's something about getting married that causes some people to lose any sense of discretion! Everyone thought their way was the best. I know most people try to be as helpful as possible, but what they say about too many cooks is definitely true
NWS: In your book you recommend having a post-engagement/wedding planning moratorium.
DG: When something exciting and new happens it's natural to want to do as much as possible as quickly as possible. While there was a lot to do, I knew that we could afford to wait one week before starting to plan; we had a year between getting engaged and getting married. I figured we'd have a better time if we savored the engagement. I was right on that point, but I overestimated the amount of time we'd be able to hold out. I asked that everyone resist planning for one week. They lasted about four days.
NWS: What's the biggest cost saver you implemented when planning your wedding?
DG: I had a rule: for an expense to be worth it, it had to pass the ‘will anybody notice if...' test. That is, we asked ourselves some basic questions such as: Will anyone notice if we don't have monogrammed cocktail napkins? Will anyone notice if we don't have scented candles as favors? People will notice if the food is bad, the band isn't good, or if they aren't having any fun. They won't notice if the floral arrangements have five roses instead of six, and no one leaves a wedding thinking, "the band was amazing, the fish was delicious, and the young couple looked so happy, but why didn't they give out bottles of water with their picture on the label?"
NWS: The wedding dress – how important is this to groom?
DG: My wife has a theory that all women look beautiful on their wedding day and I think she's right. If there's anything that guys might not like about wedding dresses is the expense. A man can get a lot of mileage out of a black tuxedo, but a wedding dress is meant to be worn once. I can't think of a single other thing in anyone's life that costs so much, yet is used so little. My wife wore her mother's wedding dress, although she had it altered to modernize and make it fit. Her older sister wore it ten years ago, so it was a nice family tradition.
NWS: Color themes are always important to the bride. What does a groom have to say about color theme selection or overall theme/décor style selection?
DG: It depends on the groom and the subject. While a guy is free to have opinions about colors for things such as table linens, invitations, and maybe flowers, I wouldn't suggest he open his mouth about colors for the bridesmaids' dresses.
NWS: How do you feel about pets at weddings?
DG: I've never seen it firsthand, but I've heard of people who have their pet as the ring bearer. That's probably great if you have a dog, but not such a good idea if you have an iguana.
NWS: Did you use a wedding planner?
DG: We did not although I can see how it might be helpful, especially as the wedding gets closer. You want to enjoy your wedding as much as possible, and knowing there is someone behind the scenes who is responsible for making sure everything runs smoothly can be very reassuring.
Author Doug Gordon is the creator of the popular blog PlanetGordon.com and is a television producer and writer whose works include "Modern Marvels" for The History Channel and "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" for ABC. The Engaged Groom is available on Amazon and at major book retailers, $14.95 Collins.
www.engagedgroom.com
